A Dark Night in PokeVegas
Chapter One
I was sitting in my car waiting for those damn machokes to hurry up with there business, I'm just the getaway driver I don't get paid for waiting, but it seems like most pokemon around now that the pokemon are machokes... But who is to complain, at least we don't we have ten year old humans making us fight eachother to the death for shits and giggles for them.
Things are so much simpler with them gone, a little chaotic at times, but still much better that we took over after they were gone.
Then I heard the door slam open, and I couldn't help but notice how retarded those machokes looked in ski masks. I flashed my car's headlights to show them where I am, took them a second before they started running over with bags of cash in their hands. I thought it was all cool till I heard a gunshot go off, there must be a sniper because one of the machokes heads blew up like those old tales about some rocket team off blasting again.
"Fuck it" I said quietly to myself knowing that the machokes are all going to get killed, the only difference is that if I leave, they'll die without my joining them. So like the smart Lucario I am, I started the car and drove off only hearing the echoes of sniper rounds, and screams of the machokes saying profane words of my mother I do not approve of.
Then I pulled over the car at the Garage, a chop shop that is ran by a creepy croagunk that is always asking me how things are. He must have heard me coming because he was at my window as soon as I turned off the car.
"So hows the car Lou?" said Creg in a croaky voice. "Its alright, just another job went wrong, and they hey had a sniper so doubt he wrote down my license plate number... So, I need a new one again..." I said while still sitting in my seat looking directly forward.. He has a way of standing at my window and creepily staring at me. "That’s a shame Lou, how did the job go wrong? It couldn't have that bad" said Creg in his usual croaky voice. "Shit, well they kind of died." I said to him giving him a little glance. "Oh, well that is kind of bad... Soooo... hows your shit?" he said as he exhaled a breath down my neck. "Creg... You know your one sick son of a blastoise" I said as my eyes wide opened and looking straight forward more than ever. "I'll throw in the new license plate if you tell me, feel free to say all the details" He said as he rubbed his claw against my arm. "Its fines, just fine, same as last time you asked me" I said with a sigh...
As I drove away from the Garage thinking about how I need to find a new chop shop to got to, I started getting a call from Rick... He has been calling me all the time since he got the neck collar phone, which looks retarded every time he makes a call cause you just see him twitch his head hitting against his neck. Hands are one luxury Rick doesn't have since he is a rapidash.
"Hey man, I was hoping you would want to go get a beer at the Elite Four?" said Rick excitedly. I have known Rick since college, he was my roommate for all the years we were there... Which wasn't long cause we saw a movie about some guys in a wolf pack that got wasted and then gambled and made a lot of money... Well... Sometimes movies just do the impossible, and then again I guess it was partially our faults for being dumbasses and getting all our money, including the money we were using to pay for college, and get wasted and betting it all... Wow, the way I put that makes me feel like a dumbass right now, if I was still in college I wouldn't be doing "odd jobs".
"Lou? You there man?" said Rick questionably. "Oh, ya, I'm here, just kind of spaced off there for a second there, but sure, I'll meet you there" I said as I snapped out of my thinking.
"Dude... You need to stopping thinking so much and get laid," said Rick in his jokingly serious voice, "AND THEN, get a job, house, and a car that doesn't have a funk smell because you don't live in it." I just laughed to myself, he always teases me because he gets laid all the time cause he goes to the Daycare, which is a whore house. "Haha, ya, like that'll fix everything. I'll just see you when I get to there."
I pulled up to the Elite Four. Anybody that even took a glance at the place can tell its a rundown place with a fancy name... Well, it used to be fancy before the lights on the "ur" of "four" went out, and now it just looks like "Elite Fo"... Which looks retarded in my opinion, but then again I'm the fool for still going there.
I walked into the bar and looked around. A couple of depressed and unemployed bidoofs sitting at a corner table, a drunk munchlax at the bar, and a couple of stumbling drunk machops.... They really need to start checking for IDs here... But then I looked over and saw Rick at the bar taking shots, which is hilarious because everything he does looks retarded because he uses his head literally to do everything.
"Lou! Get the fuck over here mon!" Rick shouted after he took another shot of his baileys.... Rick is a real lightweight when it comes to drinking. "Hey Rick, your getting pretty wild there with your baileys there, ready for an actual beer for a change?" I said to him with a slight grin. "I will when you sit next to me for a change" he said under his chuckle. I always sit away from since he is a flaming horse with alcohol, and thats a bbbbaaaaaadddd idea.
After a couple of drinks and silence later, which is what we usually do, get drunk then talk.
"So what ever happened to Lucy? She seemed like a nice lady..." I said to Rick to break the silence. Rick uncomfortably rolled over on the floor since he was to drunk to stand. "Well, Lou my friend... Lucy was a whore to put that in simple words..." he said sadly. "Ahh, so you met here at Daycare, can't say I'm surprised, lickitungs look like whores anyways." I said trying to comfort him, but I don't think it came out as sympathetic as I aimed for. "Well, you aren't known for being great with the ladies to you know... Reminding me, we need to get you laid." He said as he gave me a glance. I just laughed to myself because I didn't care to actually say anything back... Its been awhile...
Then we heard the door opened, which is a surprise because there usually never anyone else besides the few that are always here, and especially at this hour made it even more questioning. "Dude, check gardevior out" Rick whispered to me as he was standing wobbling drunk so he could tell me.
He didn't have to tell me, I noticed her as soon as she made the first step through the door. A bidoof that didn't look retarded and wasn't as annoying as hell would be more likely.
“Uh, hey can anybody help me with my car? It broke down” said the worried sounding gardevior.
I looked around to see if anyone was going to do anything, sighed to myself, took a shot of liquid courage, barely stepped over a pile of vomit, and I was stumbling on my way. I think I could here Rick chuckling and saying “Get some” when I got up from my seat.
“HeY, yOU neEd help wItH yOUr cAr theRE Lady” I said drunkenly. “Uhh, ya, you sure you are sober enough to fix it? You sound kind of you know... Really drunk.” She said in a bothered voice, but she didn't seem to have any other options. “Lady, EVErybODy iS drUnk, I liVE IN a caR I cAn fiX it sOBEr or drUnk.” I said. “Alright then, give it a shot, not like you can make it worse.” She said as she shrugged her shoulders.
We stepped outside, she was right, her car was totaled, and to make even better it was totaled into my car too.